The year is 1994. I am a 145 pound Van Buren High School student, who was loving life and being as ornery as I could be. I loved math. It was my favorite subject. I had a teacher by the name of Mrs. Beaver, who was a very, very, serious teacher, and she did not like me. To be honest, her not liking me made me like her even more, and also made me do everything I could to make sure she knew I was always in the room.
The one thing I remember so well about Mrs. Beaver was when we wanted to get out of work all we had to do is ask questions. We could ask her question after question and, before you knew it, the class would be over and we would never do any real work.
I had classmates constantly telling me to keep her busy so she wouldn’t assign any work that day. I become a master at it, asking questions about things not even pertaining to math and she would continue to talk until the bell rang. We hated silence in that room, because silence meant we were about to be assigned work. As I think on that today, I think about how even as an adult “I do not like silence”. In silence you are left to your own thoughts, and in silence we look at ourselves and maybe we don’t like what we see. But, in silence is where I feel the work will begin on me. It’s hard and difficult. Silence leaves us to our own thoughts, struggles, and failures. But, in silence is where I have heard from God the most. When I stop and think, I give my attention to God. He reveals to me things I need to do in my own life and fixing me is a lot of work. Scripture says it the best I Kings 19:11-12:
And, behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the LORD; but the LORD was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the LORD was not in the earthquake: And after the earthquake a fire; but the LORD was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice.
Silence still makes me uncomfortable, but I am not scared of silence anymore. Silence doesn’t mean I am alone or abandoned. Silence is the time I stopped asking Mrs. Beaver questions and started listening to the assignment I have been given. God has put his finger over his mouth and said to me, “SHHHHHHHHHH”, because God wants to do a work in me.